Khumbudzo Ntshavheni’s statement that ‘criminals are not to be helped, criminals are to be persecuted’ delivers an important lesson: that all ANC cadres entangled with the law are to be deemed ‘criminals’ and we, as the electorate, must refuse to be served by such individuals.

Instead of following Trump’s example, let’s have a Department of Common Sense led by two seasoned entrepreneurs: Brian Joffe, the founder of the Bidvest Group, and Adrian Gore, the founder of Discovery Holdings. Design new remuneration standards, cut red tape and set the country on a path to recovery. Excuse my clumsiness; leadership, I forgot about affirmative action.

I guess “a country gets the government it deserves”. Our governance — a mosaic of saints and scoundrels — is but a reflection of ourselves

I’m sitting here in my study (take note, haters) in the leafy suburb of Waterkloof, Pretoria, gazing out at the jacarandas in full bloom. Yet, despite my earlier musings on the so-called green shoots of this GNU, I find myself gripped by a great sense of unease.

One module should be Pure Mathematics and Financial Accounting 101. Cadres must be taught, using a case study from the Minister of Justice and Constitutional Development, Thembi Simelane, on how not to diversify one’s income, investment decision-making, and understanding the interest charged on loans.

The most important module is ‘Radical Concepts of Political Morality and Humility’. Here we tackle the essential lesson that you cannot drive a ‘borrowed’ armoured Mercedes-AMG G63 on the election campaign trail in an informal settlement. If you qualify for VIP protection, this course is a must for you.

I say to the new Minister of Basic Education, Siviwe Gwarube: discontinue mathematical literacy, otherwise all “our” leaders will end up in orange overalls for stealing small change.

I don’t know, my leader, if you follow, but white people truly know how to steal. I chalk it up to them having never done mathematical literacy but rather pure mathematics, while “our” leaders mastered biblical studies and agriculture at school.

As we approach the United Nations 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, I urge us to extend the analogy of rats and mice to the pervasive, costly and pandemic levels of gender-based violence and femicide.

What baffles me is the decision to purchase a coffee shop in Sandton while comfortably ensconced in the mayoral office in Polokwane, and the shop is 316 km from your daily grind.