Yet, when it comes to health, you seem intent on marching in the opposite direction. You propose nationalising healthcare services, dismantling a multibillion-rand medical aid industry, and effectively hobbling private-sector health providers.

Peeling back this onion reveals the glorious chaos of government-owned funds. The same folks who can’t manage a piggy bank want to launch a new NHI fund.

My leader, I write these hospital chronicles to highlight the sheer scale of resources and speed required to deal with diseases efficiently and effectively. If you destroy medical aid, you will ruin the only functioning part of our healthcare system.

My leader, I write to discuss the South African Police Service (SAPS) and its “concomitant” failures. The real issue is design-induced failure. For over five years, we endured a jester as Police minister, more interested in watching himself on TV than modernising SAPS’s archaic systems.

My leader, I wanted to talk to you about the South African Police Service and its “concomitant” failures, not due to incompetence (of course, some officers are incompetent; that’s life). Still, the glaring failure I am talking about is the design-induced failure. Of course, for five years or more, we had a jester for a police minister who enjoyed watching himself on TV but did nothing to upgrade the police service’s archaic systems from victim statement taking, case number generation, detective allocation and actual court ready dockets aided and abetted by technology. Everything is paper-based, and we are in 2024, nogal.

"The findings, my labour of love, reveal the shocking pervasiveness of violence against women and children. Each statistic represents lives shattered, often aided and abetted by your inertia."

‘I announce the passing of your mythical daughter, Tintswalo’

Please, my leader, explain how 100 days turned into 1 030 days without a word or a compact. Or is that question too tricky? Let me simplify: What exactly has your economic policy been since taking over from uBaba on February 15, 2018?

In case someone accuses me of embellishing, you told Parliament (House of Nothingness): “We have given ourselves 100 days to finalise a comprehensive social compact to grow our economy, create jobs and combat hunger.” Please, my leader, explain to me slowly, like someone speaking to a five-year-old child whose toys were bought with money deposited via ATMs, how 100 days morphed into 1,030 days without a word of the social compact? Okay, that may be a tricky question.

Since 16 February 2018, for a staggering 2,113 days — in maths literacy terms, an exact five years, nine months, and 13 days — you’ve revelled in the trappings of high office, but the masses of our people have nothing to show for it.